Falling is not Failing
This is a photo of a rappelling tower. The soldiers at the bottom, watching the other rappel down the tower, are holding their ropes to provide safety and stability, they are “on belay”.
In 1995 I attended the Officer Basic Course in San Antonio, Texas. As a required part of the training I had to conquer a 30 foot high rappelling tower. For me, this was by far the most intimidating portion of learning how to become a soldier. I had mastered shooting weapons and could breakdown, clean and reassemble a gun. I could do land navigation using a compass. I had scrambled through the mud and around obstacles helping to carry an “injured” soldier on a stretcher. I did well on my physical training tests, managing to get up at “0 dark 30” to do 2-mile runs, pushups and sit ups. But rappelling down the tower was a whole different thing. You see, I have a fear of edges. I wouldn’t say I have acrophobia (fear of heights) because I’m fine in tall building or flying in planes…it’s just looking over an edge of a tall building or standing on a cliff or canyon that gets me. At Fort Jackson in Columbia, South Carolina this 30 foot tower is called “Victory Tower” — that makes perfect sense to me.
Back on that hot summer day at Camp Bullis, Fort Sam Houston’s training site outside of San Antonio; we assembled at the bottom of the tower. Primarily newcomers to the military, we were all in BDU’s (Battle Dress Uniform). We were each cinched tightly into harnesses and given instructions by the NCO(Non-Commissioned Officer) about what to do when we reached the top of the tower. As I climbed up the stairs to the top of the tower I was terrified.
My knees shook as my harness was hooked onto the rope with carabiners. We had been told to shout to the person below, “On rappel!” signaling we were about to start down. We then had to wait for the person below to respond, “On BELAY!” indicating they were prepared to hold the rope and provide tension so we didn’t descend too fast or hit the ground too hard. I am sure my voice quavered with uncertainty as I shouted, “On rappel” but when I heard the response, “On belay!” I felt somewhat comforted. The NCO, probably sensing my fear, or just observant enough to see that all color had drained from my face, sharply said, “Ma’am, don’t look down, you’re just going to back up to the edge of the platform, hold the rope, take that first step backwards and start feeding the rope through your hands. You’ll just be walking backwards down the wall.”
I started rappelling down the wall. Okay, so it was more like walking with some tentative jumps, trying to let the rope out as I’d been told. I heard the soldier below encouraging me, “You’ve got this…just keep going….I’ve got you.”
“Off rappel!”….I’d made it to the bottom, my heart still drumming loudly, relieved to be on the ground. The soldier who had been on belay for me patted me on the back, “You did it!”.
Why am I reliving this experience? Because I’ve been thinking about what challenges and frightens us in our lives. It could be a one time thing like “Victory Tower” or it could be public speaking, moving to a new home or a new house, or dealing with illness or death. Within these moments, what makes us want to hold onto this life? Why don’t we get overwhelmed just give up, let go and fall? Why do we try to make it through these challenging times? Why not just give up or give in?
Who is “on belay” for you? Who is watching out for you to make sure you’re okay? Who do you trust to keep you from falling? Who builds you up or helps you conquer your fears? And if you do start to fall who helps you so you don’t hit the ground too hard? Is it your significant other, your family, your faith community, your friends…God?
We all have fears, we all struggle in this life, and sometimes we need to be reminded that we could fall, but falling doesn’t necessarily mean failing and doesn’t have to be permanent. Find that person that can be counted on to be “on belay” and let them know you need them to spot you so if necessary they can help control your fall.
Or maybe you could be “on belay” for someone in your life.